Joke Of The Day (Keep It Clean Folks) - Page 17 - Genesis News Com Forum

Visionsofangels · 05-21-2009, 08:32 PM

Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin , orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn.

When he had finished all three, he went back to the bar and ordered three more.
The barman says, You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it. Your pint would taste better if you bought one at a time."

Patrick replies, "Well now, I have two brodders, one is in America and de
odder in Australia and here I am in Dublin . When we all left home, we promised dat we'd drink dis way to remember de days we all drank togedder."

The barman admits that this is a nice custom and says no more.
Patrick becomes a regular customer and always drinks the same way ordering three pints and drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished.

One day, he comes in and orders just two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent.

When he goes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops and he starts to laugh,
"Oh no," he says, "Bejesus, everyone is fine! Tis me ... I've quit drinking!"

**martinus** · 05-22-2009, 08:18 AM

As Joe forces himself to open his eyes the first thing he sees is a bottle of Aspirin and a glass of water on his bedstand. He sits up and looks around. All his clothes are nicely folded on a chair. Everything is very tidy in the bedroom, and, in fact, everywhere in the house. He takes the aspirin and reads the note that sits next to it: "Darling dearest, breakfast is in the kitchen. I got an early start to do the shopping. I love you!" He makes his way to the kitchen and there really is a full breakfast for him and the newspaper. His son is having breakfast, too. "Uh, son, can you tell me what actually happened last night?", he asks. "That's easy, Dad. You came home at three in the morning, drunk as a lord and almost passed out. You broke a couple of chairs, puked in the hall and almost poked out your eye when you collided with that doorknob." - "But why is everything so tidy and breakfast ready and stuff?" - "Oh, that. - Mom pulled you into the bedroom and lifted you onto the bed. But when she tried to pull down your pants you shouted: "Keep yer 'ands off me, b-tch, I am a happily married man."

one hangover: 100 EUR
destroyed furniture: 250 EUR
breakfast: 10 EUR
saying the right thing at the right time: PRICELESS

Visionsofangels · 05-23-2009, 05:15 PM

A man hires a Chinese Private Investigator called Chen Lee, to watch his wife.
A few days later the man gets this report:

Sir, I watch house.
You leave house.
He come to house.
He & she leave house.
I follow.
He and she go to hotel.
I climb tree and look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip.
She strip.
He play with she
She play with he.
I play with me.
I fall out tree.
I not see.
No fee.
Chen Lee.

PS. I'm weely Sollee.

**martinus** · 05-23-2009, 05:55 PM

Slightly naive reporter trying to get some first-hand statements from a happy Chinese communist about the wonderful world of Chinese progressive democracy in Bei-jing: "So, do you have elections?" - "Yes, evely molning!"

Visionsofangels · 05-29-2009, 12:55 PM

For sale: 150,000 printed t-shirts ( MAN UTD - CHAMPION LEAGUE WINNERS 2009 ) Will make good dusters, oil rags or arse wipes, bargain at 5p each. Contact ALEX FERGUSON..... or apply online at
www.overconfidentbastards.co.uk

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. What goes beep beep beep beep beep??

A. Man Utd's open top bus reversing back into the garage!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There have been flood warnings on Merseyside...thousands of Liverpool fans have been pissing themselves laughing!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Panasonic HD TV $2000
Panasonic HD Surround Sound $1000
Watching Manchester United lose in stunning high definition............
PRICELESS!

**martinus** · 10-31-2009, 02:10 PM

YouTube - How to get married in Germany

(just love this)

MarcLacroix · 10-31-2009, 10:46 PM

What did a speeding fish say after it slammed into a wall?
Damn...

Marc

Alfalfah · 11-09-2009, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Visionsofangels

An octopus goes into a bar and says:

"I can play ANY musical instrument you like",

Englishman gives him a guitar which he plays better than Hendrix.

Irishman gives him a piano which he plays better than Elton

Scotsman throws him a set of bag pipes.

The octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes

and the scotsman says:

"whats wrong laddie, can ye no play it"

The Octopus says:

"Play it? -

I'm gonna F*** her brains out, once i get her Pyjamas off!

sorry jebs i know you said keep it clean, but its cleanish & it's the only one i could think off......

Ha ha ha ha ha! thanks for the good laugh

**martinus** · 11-09-2009, 07:08 PM

Secretary: "Boss, I've found a new position."
Boss: "Fine, lock the door..."

05-21-2009, 08:32 PM	#161 (permalink)
Visionsofangels GNC Forum User Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 1,179	Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin , orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn. When he had finished all three, he went back to the bar and ordered three more. The barman says, You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it. Your pint would taste better if you bought one at a time." Patrick replies, "Well now, I have two brodders, one is in America and de odder in Australia and here I am in Dublin . When we all left home, we promised dat we'd drink dis way to remember de days we all drank togedder." The barman admits that this is a nice custom and says no more. Patrick becomes a regular customer and always drinks the same way ordering three pints and drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished. One day, he comes in and orders just two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he goes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops and he starts to laugh, "Oh no," he says, "Bejesus, everyone is fine! Tis me ... I've quit drinking!" __________________ And i am you and what I see is me!!!

05-22-2009, 08:18 AM	#162 (permalink)
martinus Administrator Site Admin Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Munich, Germany Posts: 1,531	As Joe forces himself to open his eyes the first thing he sees is a bottle of Aspirin and a glass of water on his bedstand. He sits up and looks around. All his clothes are nicely folded on a chair. Everything is very tidy in the bedroom, and, in fact, everywhere in the house. He takes the aspirin and reads the note that sits next to it: "Darling dearest, breakfast is in the kitchen. I got an early start to do the shopping. I love you!" He makes his way to the kitchen and there really is a full breakfast for him and the newspaper. His son is having breakfast, too. "Uh, son, can you tell me what actually happened last night?", he asks. "That's easy, Dad. You came home at three in the morning, drunk as a lord and almost passed out. You broke a couple of chairs, puked in the hall and almost poked out your eye when you collided with that doorknob." - "But why is everything so tidy and breakfast ready and stuff?" - "Oh, that. - Mom pulled you into the bedroom and lifted you onto the bed. But when she tried to pull down your pants you shouted: "Keep yer 'ands off me, b-tch, I am a happily married man." one hangover: 100 EUR destroyed furniture: 250 EUR breakfast: 10 EUR saying the right thing at the right time: PRICELESS __________________ ... cried a voice in the crowd.

05-23-2009, 05:15 PM	#163 (permalink)
Visionsofangels GNC Forum User Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 1,179	A man hires a Chinese Private Investigator called Chen Lee, to watch his wife. A few days later the man gets this report: Sir, I watch house. You leave house. He come to house. He & she leave house. I follow. He and she go to hotel. I climb tree and look in window. He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip. She strip. He play with she She play with he. I play with me. I fall out tree. I not see. No fee. Chen Lee. PS. I'm weely Sollee. __________________ And i am you and what I see is me!!!

05-23-2009, 05:55 PM	#164 (permalink)
martinus Administrator Site Admin Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Munich, Germany Posts: 1,531	Slightly naive reporter trying to get some first-hand statements from a happy Chinese communist about the wonderful world of Chinese progressive democracy in Bei-jing: "So, do you have elections?" - "Yes, evely molning!" __________________ ... cried a voice in the crowd.

05-29-2009, 12:55 PM	#165 (permalink)
Visionsofangels GNC Forum User Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 1,179	For sale: 150,000 printed t-shirts ( MAN UTD - CHAMPION LEAGUE WINNERS 2009 ) Will make good dusters, oil rags or arse wipes, bargain at 5p each. Contact ALEX FERGUSON..... or apply online at www.overconfidentbastards.co.uk ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q. What goes beep beep beep beep beep?? A. Man Utd's open top bus reversing back into the garage! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There have been flood warnings on Merseyside...thousands of Liverpool fans have been pissing themselves laughing!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Panasonic HD TV $2000 Panasonic HD Surround Sound $1000 Watching Manchester United lose in stunning high definition............ PRICELESS! __________________ And i am you and what I see is me!!!

10-31-2009, 02:10 PM	#166 (permalink)
martinus Administrator Site Admin Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Munich, Germany Posts: 1,531	YouTube - How to get married in Germany (just love this) __________________ ... cried a voice in the crowd.

10-31-2009, 10:46 PM	#167 (permalink)
MarcLacroix GNC Forum User Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Lantana, Florida Posts: 148	What did a speeding fish say after it slammed into a wall? Damn... Marc Last edited by MarcLacroix : 11-01-2009 at 03:18 PM.

11-09-2009, 07:08 PM	#169 (permalink)
martinus Administrator Site Admin Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Munich, Germany Posts: 1,531	Secretary: "Boss, I've found a new position." Boss: "Fine, lock the door..." __________________ ... cried a voice in the crowd.

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