Joke Of The Day (Keep It Clean Folks)

[BigChester]

A guy and his blonde wife were waiting at the red light. Suddenly, a bird shits on the windshield. The guy says to his wife:
"Could you wipe it off please?"
To wich she responds:
"Too late, he's way to high!!"

[jebho62]

see attachment if you are old and/or mature enough...you are all over that AZ!

[TinaS]

Bumper Stickers:

Your kid may be an honor student, but your still an idiot.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

It is as bad as it looks, and they are going to get you.

Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once.

[jebho62]

people say I am paranoid just because everyone is out to get me.......

[jebho62]

D. Perché gli italiani non possono andare sulla luna?

R. Poiché essi non hanno abbastanza ponteggi.

[jebho62]

click at your own risk


YouTube - the real slim santa written by kevin bloody wilson

[jebho62]

[Danlaw83]

A plane is about to crash. A virgin asks, " Can anyone make me feel like a woman before I die?"

A man removes all of his clothes and says, "Here, Iron these!"

[jebho62]

Guy walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills.
He guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks. "What's up with the jar?"
Well, you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money."
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. "What are the three tests?"
Pay first, those are the rules." says the bartender. So the man gives him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar.
"OK," the bartender says. Here's what you need to do:
First - You have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing, all at once...and you can't make a
face while doing it.
Second - There's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands.
Third - There's a 90-year old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. You've gotta make
things right for her."
The man is stunned. "I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot!
I won't do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those other things..."
"Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is."
As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks, "Where ez zat tequila?"
He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp, tears streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face.
Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up and soon the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy scuffle going on outside. They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping and then...silence. Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches all over his body.
"Now," he says. "where's the old woman with the sore tooth?"

[jebho62]

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced
up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized
she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she
took
the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or
pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual
Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Chicago."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen
sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your
Business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from
my
personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about
sexuality."


"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well, she explained, "one popular myth is that African American men
are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native
American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another
popular
myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is the men
of
Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover
with
absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm
sorry,"
she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I
don't
even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."